Thursday, September 14, 2017

What is love, anyways?

You can deffo see someone's feeling when you stare them in the eyes.  Eyes are the curtain of feelings, they say. We once stared each other but maybe i was blind by my heart and wasn't clear about it but i claimed he loves me. Truth can be overshadowed too.

They say;

Do not depend on someone
Do not put expectations
Do not hoping to get the same level of love back
Do not get attached
Do not give your utmost love and heart

But isn't that how it is to be in love? You don't get to choose who will knock deep inside you heart. You cannot set a line of not getting attached coz how do you know to what extend it will be? You don't have the power to stop yourself from putting hopes up high and making dreams together coz that is why you guys are together as we see our future in them. You cannot not get attached cause what is the purpose of having someone if you're not gonna depend on him? Everyone is someone's weakness. 

I am so torn in between do not give your heart fully and love fully cause you might not known maybe he is the one. As far as i learned from the heart ache he gave me, i shouldnt get too attached but now we're back together, i just can't stop myself. How can you do that to someone you really really love?

But the way he acts right now;

Did not ask how am i doing today, my feelings, my day
Did not care and ignore when i ask to have the same whatsapp wallpaper
Did not put an effort to sing me Perfect by Ed Sheeran when i asked few months back
Did not give the same strength of excitement when i tell something that excites me
Did not honestly comfort me and all he'd say is just "it's okay, benda dah jadi" or "tawakal je lah" or takde rezeki nak buat macammana"
Did not get excited to plan anything for our date
Did not get excited for seeing me after half a year being away
Did not even have a heart to pujuk me back, but yell at me instead.

I can even fit our 24hours conversations in one screen nowadays.

I AM FUCKING TIRED of having to face someone that does not even treat me as he is in love meanwhile im like a fool missing and admiring how good we were. How can i NOT sad and make scene cause honestly i am so terasa. If i were to being left like this, i'd be very tawar hati and on that time i will never get back to him ever again. 

Cause at the end of the day, i just want someone to ask me whether i am okay or not.